Artist. Academic. Prophet?

For some time, I have considered myself both an artist and an academic. For as long as I can recall, I have sought to reveal my inner self through artistic expression and also attempted to hone these artistic talents through analysis and skill garnered through education. At different times in my life, that art has been stifled both by extenuating circumstances and my own ignorance. It is because of this my art has not always been what I shall call “worthy.” My art has not been worthy of the Creator of my being.

A couple of years ago, the Holy Spirit revealed to me my role as a prophet. I mean this in a very New Testament sense. I don’t claim to foresee the future or anything quite that spiritualistic. It would likely be more correct to say I, instead, function in the role of a prophet within the body of Christ. I am a voice urging the church to return to the kerygma, the gospel, to Jesus Christ.

For years, I have struggled with my role as a prophet and my calling in theatre. For whatever reason, I have been unable to internally reconcile these two seemingly opposing ideas. Today, however, I may have had a mental or spiritual breakthrough, which to me is ironic due to my current opinion of myself.

I was reading today a book titled The Dead Sea Scrolls Today, which I concede is an odd place to find yourself at least in an existential “Who Am I?” way. The book discussed King David, not only as a worshipper and writer, but also as a prophet. For some reason, this puzzled me. I’ve read the verses where people claim allusions to Christ, and for some reason I just never fully connected the dots.

The Holy Spirit revealed himself to David through David’s art.

As I have said many times, “My mind…She is blown.” I don’t know why I had never realized it, not just for David but for me as well. I have always viewed my role in the theatre in the framework of Romans 12:1, “I appeal to you therefore, brothers, by the mercies of God, to present your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and acceptable to God, which is your spiritual worship.”

I saw myself as simply presenting myself to God, holy and acceptable [hopefully] as a means of fulfilling my calling and worshipping him in spirit and in truth. What I failed to realize was the simple truth. God can reveal Himself through my art, not just art in general, but specifically, in my art.

Woah.

Perhaps, my role as a prophet should simply work to augment my calling as an artist. Perhaps I should be using theatre to call people back to excellence back to the creator of the universe. I would like to note that I am not talking about ministry. I spent four years at a Bible school studying ministry and theatre, and I know beyond the doubt of a shadow I am not supposed to be in full-time ministry.

It could be God has called me to the theatre for the purpose of exposing His beauty. I just hope he will give me the strength to overcome any circumstances, and most of all the wisdom and clarity of thought to deal with my own ignorance.

-scritch out

"There but for the grace of God, go I."

So at Pat’s wedding, I managed to hit it off with an old friend. His name is Angelo Valle. He’s currently graduated, married, and attending Westminster. Today, we made a point to get coffee and talk. It was exactly what I needed. I have been praying now for days. I’m so confused. I’m so frustrated. I feel like I’ve been given a very small chip of my life to manage, and I think I’ve done a pretty good job with it. The problem is that I want to see the puzzle. I want to control my fate and I can’t.

I have uncomfortably discovered that God is on control of my future. Also, I may be a Calvinist and I mean that in the lightest sense of the title. I’ve just recently found myself very humbled by the grace of God. I don’t deserve this grace thing . . . not at all. There is no part of me that could ever earn his salvation and I can almost feel his hands around me . . . holding me . . . sustaining me by his grace alone. The thought of that just overwhelmed me today. The chair that I’m sitting on right now, the words that I type, the thoughts that you are having as you read this . . . They are only sustained by the grace of God.

I don’t know where I stand on my thought of salvation, but I don’t think that in my fallen state that I could have chosen Him. I was placed in a good home, brought up on the Bible, and I did absolutely nothing for it. My every movement has been orchestrated and used for the ultimate glory of God. Through my victories I can learn his grace for I am undeserving, and through my suffering I can better identify with Christ.

Who am I that God should rescue me? I am nothing to no one but to Him. I will humbly submit to his will and his will alone because he is God and he is on the throne. I don’t know whether or not God has only to chosen to rescue some and allowed others to be damned. I don’t know . . . but if I am . . . If I am . . . then I can only respond by worshipping Him and Him alone.

Without His intervention, whether He made himself apparent and I chose him or He grabbed hold of me and I clung to him, then I would be damned.

‎"There but for the grace of God, go I."

Will.

If there truly is a benevolent God who manifested Himself in the being of Christ Jesus orchestrating the Universe, can there really be free will?

If we pre-suppose Original Sin through the story of Adam and Eve as outline in the Bible, can a loving benevolent God exist in despite of the presence of Evil? If God love us so much, why does he allow us to suffer?

In the Garden of Eden, mankind was given a choice: Obey Me or Get Lost. God placed his creation as governors over the entirety of Creation allowing them to freely choose good or evil. He gave them the entirety of the world with only one command, “Do not eat from the forbidden tree.” God stacked the deck in favor of obedience. It wasn’t enough for Him, you see, to simply create humanity and force them to obey his will. If they were to do so they would be no different than the animals. They would have no choice because they would not be intelligent enough to choose for themselves.

God wanted to create humanity in his own image. That is to say with the Imago Dei or the Image of God. He wanted humanity to create and to prosper as he does. Being created in the Image of God presupposes our ability to choose. Can God choose to be evil? In my human understanding I would say, “Yes.” In my understanding of the nature of God through the Revelation of the scripture I would say, “No.” God is not good because he doesn’t want to be good. He is good because he is inherently good.

He did not want to create a race of servants who had no choice but to serve. He created humanity with the option to not serve him. They, possessing the Imago Dei with them, would have the option to choose an alternative path than the one laid down for them by the Creator. This is what we call Free Will. [If You come from this with a Calvinistic understanding of salvation then you should probably discontinuing reading this now and go be a Calvinist elsewhere.]

Free will is our ability to choose. Though our choices may be stacked in favor of one choice rather than another, we still posses the ability to walk down a less favorable path. When we walk down this road, we do so in contradiction to the original plan. Adam and Eve possessed eternal life in the garden. They walked almost hand in hand with God. They were innocent. Pure.

When they willfully chose to sin by disobeying God’s only command, they chose to take an alternative route. Being that God had created them free. They were free to do so. Why would an omniscient God who knew everything and knew that he would be disobeyed not intervene and stop them from sinning in the first place? Because such an intervention would have contradicted his original intent in creating humanity.

He gave humanity the ability to choose. He wanted them to serve Him. That’s why he stacked the deck in the favor of choosing Him. He created for Adam and Eve an entire planet with only one single tree being forbidden. It isn’t like he created a grove of forbidden trees and only one good one. He didn’t set them up to fail. He set them up for a choice that he knew that they would disobey.

That was unsettling to Him, but he knew that it was in the hearts of his creation to disobey. They had freewill. They had it within them to choose to sin, but they also had it within them to come back. Hence why as soon as they are reprimanded for their sin, they are given provision and a hope that one day their offspring would be reconciled unto God again.

We now fast forward to today. The presence of sin in the world is apparent. With the sex slave industry and senseless violence, it is difficult to see a loving God. How can we explain the lack of intervention on the part of God when there are children being sold into slavery? I believe the answer lies in free will.

We posses within us the ability to choose our actions, we also have the ability to impose our will upon others. If God were to intervene in almost every case, just as it would’ve in the Garden of Eden, it would ultimately be contradictory to his very nature. Allowing mankind to choose for themselves. He guides through subtly and through events in our lives. Even the most tragic of things are used as agents to guide his creation back to it’s original intent. Not that he initiates these actions or causes them to come into being; he allows them to happen because he has given mankind the freedom to choose evil. What God created he saw as good [or in the Hebrew finished/complete]. What man created was a perversion of what God created . . . Evil.

What do you do then with natural disasters, which kill millions of Christians and non-Christians alike?

This world is not our final destination. If you presuppose that the God of the Bible exists and the Bible is his revelation to mankind, then you also presuppose it as truth. If the Bible is true than there is another world after this one . . . A second Earth for those who chose Him despite the evil in the world.

In this world, there will be no sickness or pain; there will be no natural disasters or suffering. There will only be the eternal glory of God. Here the people who chose God would then be able to choose Him for all eternity, with the deck eternally stacked in favor or worshipping God.

If we posses the freedom to create Evil, but choose to follow the original plan through the example of Jesus Christ then and only then is there an explanation to the suffering in the world. The suffering imposed by other people, is those people choosing evil. It is up to the person who has had evil done to them to choose whether or not to return evil with evil creating more evil or to choose a higher road and allow God to create good. The changing of the Earth is only a bi-product of the temporality of this life.

“This world that seems to us so real, so substantial, is nothing more than the Shadowlands . . . Real life has not yet begun.”

Beginning.

Beginning.

“In the beginning, God created the Heavens and the Earth.”

Genesis 1:1

Every child raised in a Christian home can recite the verse from memory at the drop of a hat. Every child is informed of the existence of an omnipotent God who designed the universe before its existence and created it from nothing. They are told the creation account. How this God also performed this feat in only seven days, as if it were some cosmic feat of strength performed by an omniscient magician.

The Creation account teaches us our role in the universe. It shows the majesty of God without ever giving insight into the minuet details not explained in the Bible. Would it diminish the God of the universe at all, if perhaps the creation account were not a literal telling of how the universe was created? Are theories like evolution really so intimidating that instead of embracing science, we reject it like a leper?

Having been raised in an Assembly of God church, I was raised on the Seven Day Creation account. I was told that God formed Adam from the dust of the Earth and breathed life into Him. When a suitable helper was not found in Creation, God, in his infinite wisdom, removed from Adam a rib and created Eve. Adam and Eve were given to one another in every way. They were perfectly suited for one another down to their very DNA.

If this God who had the insight enough to create his homo sapiens with the ability to reproduce, could he not also have the insight to guild a single cell across a millennia in order to eventually form the man he would name Adam? If God is outside of reality and time and if reality and time are simply agents that God has created for his creations, could he not spend mere seconds guiding his creation for millions of years?

There is, of course, the problem with the Genesis account. The Creation account is a beautiful description of the creation of the universe for the audience that was receiving it. Even today, we can look to the book of Genesis for a fantastic depiction of the God of the universe, but it should not necessarily be taken literally by modern Christians. With science constantly progressing and the potential for singularity to be but a few decades away, it is now more than ever necessary for Christians to understand the ways of the universe.

The universe is expanding. Every day, scientists unlock new ideas and facts about Creation of which our forefathers could have only dreamed. We will be faced with varying degrees of intensity from science in retaliation to our beliefs. It is not our worldview that should be shaken by these new revelations.

God gave this universe to his creation with the intent of exploring it. Through his creation, we see an insight into the mind of God Himself. We see the detail of the universe and the amount of time that it would take to orchestrate such majesty is incomprehensible to the human mind. We can see the moving of the planets and the shifting of molecules. God has created everything from the inconceivably large to the infinitesimally small.

This God, this architect of Creation could have created the world in seven days just like the book of Genesis tells us. He could have created the world so that it would appear as if it were billions of years old although that would make God a deceiver and that does not fit with our current paradigm. God could have created the world six thousand years ago and perhaps our assumptions and conclusions about the life of carbon are incorrect. It is also possible, however, that God being outside of space and time and completely unaffected by it, created the universe billions of years ago and watched as every single atom that he set in motion merged and converged until we have an early form of the universe we now experience.

If this were correct, then God would have to guide and nurture every single aspect of his creation. He would have to be the ultimate micromanager. Would not a God who nurtured every single cell of his human creations seem more loving and more infinitely patient than a God who simply threw everything into existence?

The Creation account shows us the beauty and captures the essence of the majesty of the Creator of the Universe, but the God of the Universe is so much more complicated and delicately constructive than any book or any story could ever possibly conceive. No author could ever capture the true beauty of a God sitting over his creation nurturing it until it has reached its full potential. The image is like that of a man sitting over a puzzle box with a pair of tweezers. He delicately moves every single piece into it’s perfect location until the beauty and complexity of the puzzle is more than breathtaking to behold and is impossible to unravel.

Can a Christian write good horror?

Can a follower of Christ write good horror?

Christianity teaches universal love of humanity.

"Hate the sin, love the sinner."

It is also a religion of peace.

Followers of Christ should exemplify certain Christ-like qualities: Love, Joy, Peace, Patience, Kindness, Goodness, Faithfulness, Self-Control.

Is it possible for someone to exemplify all of these traits and to be a follower of Christ while writing something that sometimes glorifies the opposite?

I honestly don't know.

I am a good Christian man . . . as good as I can be I suppose, but I also have an odd taste in movies and books. I enjoy the writings of Lovecraft and Stephen King. I love classic horror films like Dracula, Frankenstein, and the Wolfman. I also really liked Zombie movies. George Romero is a genius. I'm not crazy about slasher flicks, but Candyman III was the scariest movie I've ever seen (only because I was like 12 when I saw it) and John Carpenter's Halloween was fantastic.

So taking influences from these various forms of horror and a little bit from natural ability and creativity, I have taken to writing short stories. I have so far only written three and they're going to be a part of a book of short stories tentatively titled, "Monsters." Granted it's not an original title, but it's simple and I like it.

That being said though . . . am I wrong? Is there something wrong with my Christianity? Is there something wrong with me? Am I disturbed? I don't think so.

I think that I am able to identify the horror of an imaginative life because I have been saved from the very real world of sin. What I do when I write is display the horrors of sin and the horror induced by these fictitious monsters. Though I do not show the grace of Christ, I think I can say that sometimes in life you don't see the grace. When evil is so prevalent, sometimes it is all we can see. That's why I write works of fiction. I create monsters that couldn't possibly be real. They are just archetypes. They are pictures of a seriously distorted world. This isn't necessarily my world or my worldview. It is simply the manifestation of my view of sin.

Please excuse the sporadic nature of my thoughts.

I haven't full formulated my opinion.

I'm contemplating trying to get published.

The following is an excerpt from The Tragic.

Amanda Smith had known now for a few months now that something was living under her bed. She had often heard it breathing when she closed her eyes at night, and when she’d peek out of the corner of her eye over the edge of the bed and down to the floor, there had been many times when she could’ve sworn that she has seen it dash back under. The creature was small, black, and quick and she hoped that it wasn’t dangerous. At nights when she’d close her eyes, her mind would turn to what she called her imp. That’s what she would’ve called it, you see, had she been willing to tell anyone what she’d been seeing.

Oh, machines

Tick, tock, tick, tock

The whirring gears and tortured clocks

Broken, crashing, whirring, burning

Broken arms and bodies turning

Feed the anger, cut the wire

Fuel for unrelenting fires

Sails raised high, tattoo the sky

Oil for tears, and blood for dye

Something new, but nothing human

Bronze and bold, freak Centurion

Glass for skin, camera eyes

Forced to remain lobotomized

Hooks for hands, and wood for legs

Clay for face, and clockwork brains

Copper wire set in stone

Given life but not a home

Band together on a skiff

Pray the sky remains lit

The stars come out

Engines ignite

The skiff bursts with flame

Into the night

Another sky, another sea

Another human tribe will scream

Turning on their own creators

Turning cities into craters

Shallow Confession

Don’t put me on the spot

I don’t think I’d like that very much at all

The single light aimed like a cannon at my shaking body

The drops of sweat run like bullets down my face

My feet feel like lead and my tongue tastes like gravel

I open my mouth but only profanities fall out

I’d pick them up but the audience has devoured them

If I show my nerves

If I screw up

I will be next

Eaten alive to feed the machine

Don’t put me on the spot

Emerald Dawn Part 1: Hal Jordan

When Abin Sur (Green Lantern 1 of sector 2814) crashed landed on Earth, he knew that he was going to die. With what little life was left in him, he instructed his ring to seek out and find "a man who was perfectly honest and born without fear" (since retconned to be: "capable of overcoming great fear."

Abin Sur's ring found Hal Jordan. They would one day say that Hal Jordan was the greatest Green Lantern of them all but before he was inducted, he was an arrogant and reckless air force test pilot. The ring saw potential in him, however, and brought him to the body of Abin Sur.

Abin Sur commissioned Hal to join the Green Lantern Corps. and Hal accepted.

When Hal flew for the first time, a fail safe in the ring brought him to the center of the universe on the planet Oa sector 0 before the Guardians of the Universe. The Guardians of the Universe were the first race created and thus took upon themselves the task of guarding the universe . . . always watching. The Green Lantern Corps. was their second attempt to police the galaxy through the harnessing of the green light of willpower. Anyone who wields the green light channeled through the ring would be able to create solid light constructs, fly, live in space, etc.

Until Hal Jordan, there had never been a human Green Lantern before and the entire corps was skeptical. This included the Corps. drill sergeant, Kilowog, who worked to break Jordan, but try as me did, he couldn't break the nearly limitless will of the human. Hal Jordan showed enough potential for further training. The Guardians saw it fit to pair the human with the pride of the Corps., Sinestro.

Sinestro and Hal became close friends and Jordan flourished under Sinestro's difficult training. The friendship would not last, however, when Sinestro's true nature was revealed. It would become apparent that he had become the dictator of his home planet and forced the natives to follow his every militant order. Seeing that Sinestro was mad with power, Jordan called in the Corps. and threw down Sinestro.

Hell

I will preface this by saying I haven't read this in forever. I wrote it two years ago and it was simply titled, "Hell." ENjoy.

I was once asked the infamous question “What kind of merciful god would send people to Hell” and the only answer that I ever could muster up was, a just one; this of course being a very weak argument that could have been potentially torn to shreds. It was, however, the only way I knew how to explain it. A merciful god would, of course, be forgiving of sins, but due to the nature and purity of God He can not over look the sin in our lives. Hence why He needed to send the ultimate sacrificial lamb namely Jesus Christ.

The wages of sin is death and death is all that God can pay us for the work that we’ve done, unless we have been redeemed by the blood of Christ. There will be a lot of good sinners in Hell, but there will be no redeemed sinners there. This of course raises the question, “What exactly is a sinner/ what makes a sinner.”

A sinner is any man not bought with the blood of Christ, and sin is living a life style that is pleasing to you. In essence, when you live life for yourself you are making yourself God and Lord over your own life, and by asking for salvation you are saying that you can’t guide your own life and that you need a savior. In the end, after death, everyone will get what they want as according to the way or for whom they lived their life. If they lived their life for God, then they shall be welcomed into their Father’s rest, but if they lived life for themselves than they will be thrown from the presence of the almighty and will be torn from Him forever. The presence of the divine being forever absent in their life for the rest of eternity. Everyone wins in the end. If you lived life for yourself and without God in life, then in the end you get what you want, a life without God. This of course is based upon the knowledge that the person you are bickering with believes that there is a God, because you can’t argue the existence of Hell without first arguing the existence of God. If the person you are deliberating with had no belief in God, then first you must establish the belief that there is a God or at least establish the assumption. Typically, I would conclude an argument, by telling the person if they are right and there is no Hell or God, I’m fine. I’ve lived life for a lie and I’m going to rot into dirt, no great loss, but if I’m right, and they’re wrong. Then they will really know what it’s like to live outside the divine for all of eternity, which would be a great loss.

Philosophy of Worship

In this class, we have discussed that worship is in essence to worth-ship or the act of assigning worth to something. I think that this may be is a little oversimplified. I believe that worship is the act of assigning worth to a benevolent deity in response to what you believe that deity has done for you. This may sound shallow, but I would disagree. Without God’s intervention into our lives, we would never know of his existence. Our faith would be built on speculation and on nothing substantial. So therefore, because we have substantial evidence of his existence we can respond with our act of worship.

But how do we worship this benevolent deity who has done so much for us? What could we possibly give to Him that He wouldn’t already have? The answer I believe lies within the action. You see, each and every human being has been equipped with a certain set of talents. Some can sing, dance, act, speak, write, love, or simply open up their homes to whomever. In response to the act of this benevolent God giving us these gifts and equipping us with them, it is our imperative to use them for his glory.

The apostle Paul tells Timothy in 1 Timothy 4:14, to not neglect his gifts. I believe that this can be applied straight across the board. We need to not neglect the gifts that God has given us. In order to properly “assign worth” to this deity, we need to take the gifts that He has given us and essentially give them back. In this we find that merely living becomes an act of worship both unconscious and unconscious. Because what is life apart from an undeserved gift of this benevolent deity? Nothing.

So I have found that in order to worship God in spirit, we need to make the decision to live our life to the fullest in accordance with his word. We have been given the guidelines and in order to worship Him properly we need to follow them to the best of the ability that He has instilled us with. Thusly worshipping him in spirit. In order to worship him in truth, we need to be honest with ourselves. We must recognize our specific gifts and fine tune with so that they are acceptable tools in the hands of the master.

We should waste our time on frivolous abilities that will never come to us because it doesn’t match our function. I’m not implying that we give up all that is not useful, just simply that we concentrate more on what is useful and less on what is frivolous. Someone who cannot sing but can write or simply be hospitable shouldn’t waste time singing that would be better spent honing the skills that they do have. One cannot simply rest on one’s laurels in the kingdom of God.

This implies a great deal of things with our worship . . . Namely, the concept of first fruits. This is to say, we need to offer God our best not just what comes out first. In order, to properly worship God we need to do so with an ability that makes an unbeliever stymied. If we posses the spirit of the God of creation within ourselves, then it is imperative that we look like we do.

I believe my specific abilities to lie within acting. When I am on a stage, behind a character, I feel more connected to God than anywhere else. It was what I was created to do. If I simply banked on that and perpetually assigned myself to half-hearted Christmas plays that never truly unlock the potential of my talents then I have wasted the gift that God has given me. In order for it to be my worship, it must also posses some worth and in order to show that it holds worth to me, I must give it worth by giving it time.

What I have been discussing is for the most part my philosophy of personal worship. There is, however, a certain element of corporate worship that should also be addressed. I have stated above that not all sing. So does that mean in a corporate setting that I shouldn’t? No . . . perhaps not as a soloist but should I sing as an individual in a group? Yes. When we gather together in the name of the Lord something happens. It cannot be denied. When we raise our voices to the heavens in one accord in honor of God there is a power. I believe this ties more into worshipping the lord in spirit. We have the opportunity to openly commune with each other and with God in a public setting. We have the opportunity to make a public proclamation of faith with other people doing the same thing.

So in conclusion, God has established a connection with us through Creation and through his first coming. He has blessed us with wonderful gifts on top of blessing us with his grace. We respond to this benevolence with a symbolic act of appreciation and love. It is within this symbolic act that we find true worship. Where we connect with God in a way both similar and unique to fellow believers. We then take this connection and we share that with others in a corporate setting worshipping with each other in a way that unifies the body with one voice . . . a voice that reaches the heavens and touches the ear of the one who gave us the voice to begin with.

I'm talking about . . .

. . . feelings.

There came a place and a time in my life when I came to a conclusion . . . feelings just weren't worth the effort. What brings this topic up at 4:21 a.m.? The movie Leap Year. I know what you're saying . . . What in God's name were you doing watching a chick flick that early in the A.M. Two words . . . Chip Monelli. Oy. So anyway I digress.

Anyway, once again I have found myself in a precarious place. My insides feel rusty, misused, and covered in dust. It sort of feels like the machinations that make up the clockwork of my heart are missing a few cogs. I've wanted so badly again to feel, but I don't remember why. I've tried to improve my mood and the way I behave around people, but my kindness has been misunderstood.

My conclusion: Being kind only leads to being mean.

My reason: You can't be kind to people because they will always suspect an ulterior motive. So in the end, my pessimism may win out. The very people who tried to convince me that be optimistic and kind are the very ones who've now helped to convince me that maybe its just not worth it. I don't know if I can put any kind of theological argument in here to strengthen my case, and this is all more than likely a result of my own bitterness and current distress.

All in all . . . kindness is splendid . . . I just don't know if it works well for me.

I need a complicated, high maintenance girl . . . fml

-Scritch out

They should write a book about me . . .

It seems that I cannot escape my own thoughts. No matter how hard I try and no matter how far I run, it seems that I come right back around to me. I am consumed with my own wants and needs. I am sometimes no better than a devout LeVayin Satanist in how self-serving I am. I'm told that its human nature to look out for one's best interest but I don't know if I can believe that. I think that when God placed human brings within the garden, He did so with the intent that they would serve and be served only by others. We also see how in the New Testament church how everyone served everyone in whole hearted godliness in order to survive.

It's difficult to imagine that I belong to the same belief system that my forerunners did. I know that todays culture essentially requires me to not have full faith within my christian counter parts because not all are as they seem, but it nonetheless wears on me how modernized and desensitized I've become by my culture and it goes deeper than just entertainment. I think that at a base level I have allowed myself to buy into a lie.

A lie that says I need to look out for my best interest while everyone else does the same. I know that as a Christian I am called to serve others but it's just more convenient to serve myself. According to the way things are supposed to be, my brothers and sisters should meet my needs as God meets theirs and I meet theirs as God meets mine, but people are just so inconsistent that I can't really rely on them and likewise I am so inconsistent that people can't rely on me.

In the early church, everyone piled their belongings and met everyones needs as they came. We'd call that socialism and it only works in theory. (And I am by no means condoning Socialism in any form)

My thoughts are cluttered and hard to to define, but I can't help but realize just how blind I am. No matter how badly I want to live in an ideal Christian world where we all serve each other in beautiful Christian unity, I know that it really isn't plausible in today's society. Which is heart breaking because I'd wager that they knew a deeper relationship with Christ and with each other than you or I will ever know . . .

"They should write a book about you [me] because you're [I'm] so selfish it's funny."

-Showbread

-Scritch out

Leaving is the hardest bit

"Leaving is the hardest bit, but you go you'll be glad you did."

- All Left Out

I discovered two days ago just how depressed I am about graduating. Yeah I mean, sure I'm thrilled to be away from the rules and logistics of living here on campus but in reality it's really hard letting go. Hilariously enough, this revelation took place while walking passed Bong [the building not the drug implement] on my way to the theater for rehearsal. I began to think about the years I've spent here on campus and the number of times I'd walked past that building on my way to the theater. I thought about the friends I had as a freshman, and the friends that I have now. I though about the number of times I spent in that building and how I'd been there five times since then.

I remembered the time I called my mom just to say, "hi" as I walked back from the gym. I remembered the time Wes Burkett climbed the brick wall outside while hanging out with me, Travis and Travis' future wife, Harmony. I also remembered most fondly the time Larry, Dan, Travis, Chip, and I marched around the lamp post outside singing "Yellow Submarine" immediately after Chip had climbed up it twenty feet or so.

I guess this is all part of the nostalgia, but nonetheless I find it's getting harder and harder by the day to be here only because I know how hard it's going to be to leave. My life is here. My friends are here. When May comes around though, everything is going to change. I'll be thrust cruelly into what adults call "life." I learn through my own mistakes as much as others. I'll learn to be self-dependent or die.

I know that more learning is what's next for me. I know that I'll eventually pursue a master's degree of sort some sort., but until that time God only knows what I'm going to be doing. With all of the stress and looming sadness however, God has given me a word. I need to just concentrate on my life one day at a time, and He's going to fill in the blanks. I don't know exactly what God has for me, but I do know that I'm merely a child in comparison to him and I need to trust him as if I were still a child in human comparison.

Come May, I know I'll be ready to go. There will be tears and it will be sad, but I know that for my friends and mentors it'll be bitter sweet. Because whereas we know that we are parting and that we may never reunite in this life, we have the hope that we'll be together on the other side in that cafeteria table in the sky.

God is good.

-scritch out

This is waaaaaaaay too many bits

Do we posses the ability to truly be expressive while hiding beneath the weighty thumb of censorship? The optimist inside of me that often tears at the walls of my mind and screams loudly wants to answer "Yes." The pessimist who lurks cleverly in the corner of my mouth, however, inevitably answers, "No." It's actually quite difficult to act within confines. We are told by our leaders to be expressive and to embrace our God given gifts, but when things begin to creep outside of their realm of control, we're stifled in our attempts. Is this a bad thing? Meh. Sometimes I think that control is needed. I mean, without some law and guidance we'd more or less float off into a space of anarchist hulabaloo. That's right, I said it. . . hulabaloo. Right?

But lack of control is just as bad as too much. When people are given unlimited power, anarchy ensues. There is no control and everyone either falls into chaos or all follow after one person which places that person in the role of controller. So control is inevitable, but the confines which a person applies to another are manageable.

In the right hands, creative control can be a good thing . . . a guiding force . . . a jedi master . . .

But in the wrong, it becomes too restricting and causes the discomfort and eventual rebellion of others.

So all of this to say, "Beware those of you who have power . . for someday, you will have to answer for how you treated those who were beneath you . . . whether it be to God . . . or 20 angry people with metaphorical pitch forks, torches, and strongly worded letters."

This being said . . . Macbeth auditions next week . . . Look for my sign . . . or e-mail.

-Scritch out

The Stuff Nightmares Are Made Of

So I just finished my screening of Sam Raimi's latest horror flick Drag Me to Hell. Despite the fact that Raimi has spent twenty years out of the horror genre, he hasn't lost his stride. Drag Me to Hell lines up nicely with his other works of horrific genius and is filled with multiple "Evil Dead" moments.

Christine Brown is a soft spoken young woman who works as a loan officer. Her rural upbringing causes her to be insecure at times, but she none the less is a self-motivated go getter that causes the audience to pull for her from start to end.

Christine has a difficult situation. In order for her to receive an important promotion (that she rightly deserves) she is forced to make a difficult decision. Should she grant an old repulsive woman named Mrs. Ganush, an extension on her loan or should she deny the plea and secure her promotion? Staring down the barrel of the decision and glimpsing ever so quickly to the empty chair she wishes to occupy, Christine makes up her mind nice and pretty and denies the old woman an extension.

This decision would have been all well and dandy if not for the fact that Mrs. Ganush is an evil vindictive freaking gypsy! Mrs. Ganush, in one of the most comical horror sequences since Army of Darkness, places a heavy curse upon Ms. Brown's head, a curse that turns the next three days of Christine's life into a living hell. An evil bounty has been placed upon the head of Christine Brown and the Lamia is coming to collect.

DMtH is filled with enough gross out antics and one liners to feel like classic Raimi, but is also balanced out with enough frightening moments to please even the most casual of horror fans. Whereas the film may be only rated Pg-13, this isn't one you'll want to let younger audiences watch. The depiction of unnamed characters being torn through the floor was slightly frightening even to me which may be due to my beliefs, but none the less DMtH isn't the sort of movie that should be viewed by anyone under the age of 13.

Being a fan of good horror and a big fan of Sam Raimi (and Bruce Campbell) I give this film a solid 8/10. The plot is original and strong enough to hold an audience and is precariously intriguing and well paced from start to finish. The cinematography and special effects weren't stunning but were believable.

Raimi is back with a vengeance and it would be a disservice of me to this film and to it's author(s) if I were to not recommend you watch it as soon as possible. Be wary, however, ye who enter here and abandon all hope for where it may have it's moments of lightheartedness in its own right, Drag Me to Hell is the stuff that nightmares are made of.

-scritch out

Don't even try

I don't expect you to follow the train of logic off a bridge or off a cliff to the market where I expect you'll find the man you want to be . . . who you'll spend your entire life as. The filthy mudbloods echoed softly to themselves as they leapt from building to building with such ease that it would have made superman look like a small squid that found himself served on a dish. Which is in no way relevant to the argument over all, whereas an octopus might hold some bearing or weight on the conversation as a whole. Don't get me wrong, I'm of the opinion that the candy cane path leads to the chocolate sunrise and circumstances notwithstanding may actually be a wielder of truth, justice, and the American way. But why the American way?

I found myself lying next to the American dream once. She left a bad taste in my mouth when I kissed her sun stained lips. Her sin was bleached like the whitest piece of lined parchment. She had a smoker's lung in her left hand and a cigarette in her right. She led men to their demise by simply offering them their hearts worst imaginable fantasy. For a man, you see, dreams of such fierce things that even the least wicked of these would cause a schoolgirl's eyes to blush.

The red was more vibrant than anything I'd ever seen!

So let's hypothesize or theorize, if you will, that when the Sun sets the Moon takes it's place like a skeletal monster hanging ominously in the night sky taunting the wolves and the coyotes with promises of sexual gratification. I need to be in bed. It must be the lunar cycle.

I burst forth from my clothes as the lychanthropy took control. I slashed and tore at the sheets as the vampires descended. They had no right to the Blood God . . . He was mine!

Thank you.

-Scritch out

The Undead and You

It is a true and universal truth that zombies indeed wish to eat your brain.

What do we know about the reanimated corpses of the ones we love?

We know that they should be six feet below the ground being devoured by time and tiny organisms, but for whatever reason they find themselves on their feet mucking about in search of the only thing that seems to satisfy them . . . human flesh. For whatever reason, someone decided that it was typical of reanimated bodies to desire the flesh of the living. I suppose this wouldn't be a huge stretch of the imagination. We as human beings naturally desire that which we cannot have should it really be any different for the reanimated dead?Whether it be for demonic purposes, voodoo magic, or some creepy corporation trying to make people better, zombies seem to be rising (pun intended).

In the case of Sam Raimi's Evil Dead trilogy, the evil deadites (as they're known in Army of Darkness) are demonically possessed corpses hell bent on world domination. Why? Who knows!?! These zombies seem to break the mold a little bit in the sense that they don't appear to be trying to om nom nom whoever they come in contact with. Instead, they take the higher path of just scaring the living Hell out of Ash Williams (Bruce Campbell) while on their way to World freaking Domination.

Whereas the stereotypical Romero zombie would simply be inclined to eat the nearest person in the vicinity. These zombies are unintelligent, nonchalant, feeding machines and whether they mean to or not are trying to take over the world or at least exhaust their dwindling food supply.

Now, the scariest freaking zombies in my personal opinion, the zombies from 28 days later . . .

These zombies fit pretty well into the Romero mold where the disease is passed through bodily fluids (biting, scratching, spitting, etc.) save for a detail that keeps me awake at night. These zombies can run . . . fast. They rush and swarm their targets overwhelming with such fierce rage and violence that all you can really do is yelp and be torn to ribbons by the throng of violent murderous freaking zombies.

Now for my least loved zombies, the evil corporate zombies. Case in point, Resident Evil. An evil corporation decides to make a super-drug that makes everyone better in every imaginable way. This is a very dangerous move, because now if anything goes awry . . . everyone dies . . . and then everyone is reanimated . . . and then everyone eats everyone . . . and everyone dies . . . sort of. (See Foamy the squirrel)

Am I the only one who thinks that these hypothetical drugs are just contrived and unwise? Not possible. There had to have been at least one person who stood up at the board meeting and said, "Hmm. Perhaps we shouldn't try to screw around with nature? Maybe we shouldn't give an experimental drug to people that may or may not turn them in to incomprehensible killing machines?"

Perhaps . . . but perhaps that person was hot on sight for daring to suggest such a thing especially since there was money to be made! Congratulations, Mr. Big Shot CEO of unnamed corporation you suck at life and you've doomed us all! Mr. Stand up to the man. We salute you!

My advice? Zombies are a very fictitious and ominous threat! We need to be prepared just in case.

As for my fellow Christians who think God wouldn't allow a zombie apocalypse, I respond"Don't put my God in a box!'

Arm yourself!

Buy a copy of The Zombie Survival Guide by Max Brooks and memorize it as soon as possible!

Also, get your hands on some good close range weapons: machetes, axes, swords, etc.

Guns are good but are as only as effective as the ammunition you possess. I suggest you stock up but always have an auxiliary weapon that runs on concentrated rage and tremendous amounts of kick ass.

If you feel so compelled, it would also be wise to invest in a cabin or a house with limited access in low population areas and in the case of a zombie apocalypse, bunker down and pray for a quick end whatever that may be.

I am as prepared as I can be on Christian college campus . . . are you?

-scritch out

Time Perpetually Lost

In the Garden of Eden there were two people. Both man and woman were born into ignorance and both born into bliss. The Garden created by God met the basic needs of the couple and for the most part, the pair was happy. Malcontent, however, bled into their hearts when they were offered the delightful looking morsels that hung from the ever forbidding Tree of the Knowledge of Good and Evil.

With hands raised high and common sense remarkably low, the two decided to ignore their creator and to instead partake of the forbidden fruit. When they did this they opened the metaphorical Pandora's Box and sin crept into the world like a dying man might creep along the ground as he slowly bleeds to death. The repercussions were almost immediate. God being the Holy God that He is could no longer suffer the couple to be in the Garden (a place of paradise) with sin inside of them.

So He did what every other god in his situation would do. He punished them.

The man, the woman, the snake, the ground, and essentially all of creation was changed due to the simple act of plucking a piece of fruit off of a tree. With the curse, however, there shined a single beacon of light. God told Adam and Eve that one day the bite of the serpent would no longer be as fierce. One day mankind would overcome.

Because of this folly, every child since has been born into the sinful nature and deserving of death eternal.

But a simple child? A baby that can't tell his mouth from his poozer (thank you)?

Yes, a baby. Born into a life that they could not possibly understand worthy of damnation from the very beginning of its existence to the day is breaths it last is deserving of eternal damnation due to our fallen state.

The reasons consistently seem to be allusive, but we know from scripture that we are indeed, fallen.

This begs the question: "Where do babies go when they die?"

Babies are too young to determine right from wrong, right?

They don't have enough time to sin shouldn't that negate their nature somehow?

Isn't God a merciful loving God?

But isn't he also a God of justice?

I know women who have lost babies. I know fathers who've watched their children die.

How could one possibly tell a grieving parent that their child is burning in Hell? Certainly, not I.

I, for one, don't believe that I'd have to.

Arguments like this could produce novels of information and I merely bring it up now because its what I happen to be thinking about this very instant.

So take this information with a grain of salt and now this is my humble opinion.

Here we go.

Adam and Eve were born into ignorance. An ignorance that allowed them to live free of sin. Their willful act caused them to receive damnation for it. I'm not saying that we are also born like that. I do, in fact, believe that without the grace of God no one can receive eternal reward. I am merely suggesting that perhaps children are born into an ignorance too.

Had Adam and Eve died in the garden (pre-Fall) what would've happened to them? Would their souls have meandered to heaven because they had nowhere else to go? I would imagine yes. They didn't know evil. Would it them be safe to assume that a baby, born into ignorance of good, would meander to Hell because they had nowhere else to go? Logic says "yes." This is where the theory of "age of accountability" comes in.

Ezekiel 18:20 says “The soul who sins is the one who will die. The son will not share the guilt of the father, nor will the father share the guilt of the son. The righteousness of the righteous man will be credited to him, and the wickedness of the wicked will be charged against him.” Every man will have to give an account to God for what they did on this Earth. A child does not really have the choice to accept Christ and what’s more is they don’t have the choice to accept sin. If whosoever believes in Him shall not perish, then obviously a baby would perish because of their lack of opportunity to believe in Him, but would a loving God who so loved the world that He gave his one and only son who was a part of Him be just enough to condemn a soul that never had the chance to accept salvation.

We choose damnation. God has ultimately given us that choice and as a baby we only possess the knowledge of evil and we are naturally born into that knowledge because of original sin, as we grow older we are taught good and then when we possess the knowledge of good and evil we then have the choice to make good or evil decisions. I would theorize that like Adam and Eve were born innocent into good, we are naturally born innocent into evil and until we possess the knowledge of good and evil we can not choose salvation or damnation. I believe that God looks upon babies and children as innocent of their sin because they’re naturally born into said sin with ignorance.

Are we all sinners without hope? No.

Are we all sinners in need of a desperate encounter with God? Yes.

Thoughts over.

It's late.

I think your babies aren't burning in Hell.

-scritch out