"There but for the grace of God, go I."

So at Pat’s wedding, I managed to hit it off with an old friend. His name is Angelo Valle. He’s currently graduated, married, and attending Westminster. Today, we made a point to get coffee and talk. It was exactly what I needed. I have been praying now for days. I’m so confused. I’m so frustrated. I feel like I’ve been given a very small chip of my life to manage, and I think I’ve done a pretty good job with it. The problem is that I want to see the puzzle. I want to control my fate and I can’t.

I have uncomfortably discovered that God is on control of my future. Also, I may be a Calvinist and I mean that in the lightest sense of the title. I’ve just recently found myself very humbled by the grace of God. I don’t deserve this grace thing . . . not at all. There is no part of me that could ever earn his salvation and I can almost feel his hands around me . . . holding me . . . sustaining me by his grace alone. The thought of that just overwhelmed me today. The chair that I’m sitting on right now, the words that I type, the thoughts that you are having as you read this . . . They are only sustained by the grace of God.

I don’t know where I stand on my thought of salvation, but I don’t think that in my fallen state that I could have chosen Him. I was placed in a good home, brought up on the Bible, and I did absolutely nothing for it. My every movement has been orchestrated and used for the ultimate glory of God. Through my victories I can learn his grace for I am undeserving, and through my suffering I can better identify with Christ.

Who am I that God should rescue me? I am nothing to no one but to Him. I will humbly submit to his will and his will alone because he is God and he is on the throne. I don’t know whether or not God has only to chosen to rescue some and allowed others to be damned. I don’t know . . . but if I am . . . If I am . . . then I can only respond by worshipping Him and Him alone.

Without His intervention, whether He made himself apparent and I chose him or He grabbed hold of me and I clung to him, then I would be damned.

‎"There but for the grace of God, go I."