It is a true and universal truth that zombies indeed wish to eat your brain.
What do we know about the reanimated corpses of the ones we love?
We know that they should be six feet below the ground being devoured by time and tiny organisms, but for whatever reason they find themselves on their feet mucking about in search of the only thing that seems to satisfy them . . . human flesh. For whatever reason, someone decided that it was typical of reanimated bodies to desire the flesh of the living. I suppose this wouldn't be a huge stretch of the imagination. We as human beings naturally desire that which we cannot have should it really be any different for the reanimated dead?Whether it be for demonic purposes, voodoo magic, or some creepy corporation trying to make people better, zombies seem to be rising (pun intended).
In the case of Sam Raimi's Evil Dead trilogy, the evil deadites (as they're known in Army of Darkness) are demonically possessed corpses hell bent on world domination. Why? Who knows!?! These zombies seem to break the mold a little bit in the sense that they don't appear to be trying to om nom nom whoever they come in contact with. Instead, they take the higher path of just scaring the living Hell out of Ash Williams (Bruce Campbell) while on their way to World freaking Domination.
Whereas the stereotypical Romero zombie would simply be inclined to eat the nearest person in the vicinity. These zombies are unintelligent, nonchalant, feeding machines and whether they mean to or not are trying to take over the world or at least exhaust their dwindling food supply.
Now, the scariest freaking zombies in my personal opinion, the zombies from 28 days later . . .
These zombies fit pretty well into the Romero mold where the disease is passed through bodily fluids (biting, scratching, spitting, etc.) save for a detail that keeps me awake at night. These zombies can run . . . fast. They rush and swarm their targets overwhelming with such fierce rage and violence that all you can really do is yelp and be torn to ribbons by the throng of violent murderous freaking zombies.
Now for my least loved zombies, the evil corporate zombies. Case in point, Resident Evil. An evil corporation decides to make a super-drug that makes everyone better in every imaginable way. This is a very dangerous move, because now if anything goes awry . . . everyone dies . . . and then everyone is reanimated . . . and then everyone eats everyone . . . and everyone dies . . . sort of. (See Foamy the squirrel)
Am I the only one who thinks that these hypothetical drugs are just contrived and unwise? Not possible. There had to have been at least one person who stood up at the board meeting and said, "Hmm. Perhaps we shouldn't try to screw around with nature? Maybe we shouldn't give an experimental drug to people that may or may not turn them in to incomprehensible killing machines?"
Perhaps . . . but perhaps that person was hot on sight for daring to suggest such a thing especially since there was money to be made! Congratulations, Mr. Big Shot CEO of unnamed corporation you suck at life and you've doomed us all! Mr. Stand up to the man. We salute you!
My advice? Zombies are a very fictitious and ominous threat! We need to be prepared just in case.
As for my fellow Christians who think God wouldn't allow a zombie apocalypse, I respond"Don't put my God in a box!'
Arm yourself!
Buy a copy of The Zombie Survival Guide by Max Brooks and memorize it as soon as possible!
Also, get your hands on some good close range weapons: machetes, axes, swords, etc.
Guns are good but are as only as effective as the ammunition you possess. I suggest you stock up but always have an auxiliary weapon that runs on concentrated rage and tremendous amounts of kick ass.
If you feel so compelled, it would also be wise to invest in a cabin or a house with limited access in low population areas and in the case of a zombie apocalypse, bunker down and pray for a quick end whatever that may be.
I am as prepared as I can be on Christian college campus . . . are you?
-scritch out
No comments:
Post a Comment